**if you can't read the cartoon above it says: "The good news is, the operation was a success. The bad news is, we're missing a pair of forceps and a cornbeef sandwich!"**
I am finally back amongst the land of the living - well trying to be at least!! It has been a rough, rough, rough, ROUGH few weeks (what am I saying - it's been a rough 2 years), to put it mildly!! I will try to give you the "readers digest" version of the latest saga of my very interesting life. We will call this the "first installment"...in no particular order. So every couple of years or so pay a visit to my specialist so that he can tell me, once again, how infertile I am, how I will NEVER bear children, that I am such a "tough, tough case" and that I really ought to stop "chasing rainbows" about becoming pregnant and continuing to have surgery just to remove the Endometriosis every 2 years is really just "feeding my delusions" about having a baby. Yes, that is correct - every thing in quotes, is straight from the donkey's mouth (also known as the ass!). So SEVERAL discussions were had, I was referred to an OBGYN/Oncologist (because don't forget I am a 'tough case' and they are used to looking women's insides that are jacked-up, which apparently, mine is!). So, after the ultrasounds and MRI it was discovered that my right ovary was MIA (it was not visible on either test) and my left one was "pretty diseased". First of all - I didn't realize that your ovary could just throw in the towel whenever the hell it felt like it! I mean seriously, who knew that it could just say "ya know what - I'm tired - I'm out" but tired of what???? Has it worked AT ALL in the 33 years it has been "alive"??? NO - it hasn't!!!!! The ONLY thing it has done is been lazy - sittin' around doing nothing but causing me pain! Talk about a pain in the....yeah you get the picture!! Anyway it was decided that instead of just going in a "gingerly" removing the Endometriosis around my ovaries et al, they would be more "aggressive". Apparently when you are actively trying to concieve they are pretty gentle with the ovaries and surrounding areas, they try to not get to "close" as to not damage any good ovarian tissue so that conception is still a possibility. When you go "aggressive", they don't play nice and they beat the crap out of your insides and make your reproductive organs look like swiss-cheese! So, "we" decided to remove the MIA ovary and after they carved up the other one they would look at everything and if it was worth saving they would save it, if not take it all out. So, I was scheduled for a partial hysterectomy and off I went. When they got "in" they discovered a HUGE mass on my apparent MIA ovary that was 3 TIMES the size of my uterus that was growing down my right leg! It was my twin!!! So, they removed my right ovary and tube - burned, scraped and peeled the Endo off my left ovary and surrounding areas (I won't get graphic) and decided that everything looked "ok" and decided to leave me with 1 ovary and my uterus - knowing full well that I will be back in another couple of years for another session of burning. However, they have said that at that time they will most likely just remove whatever I have left and give me the chance to grow a beard, like I have always wanted to!!!!
So I am recovering OK - I guess. I am still in A LOT of pain that I DID NOT plan on AT ALL!! I was bound and determined to be back to "normal" in 1 week - well that's what I get for being stubborn. I guess I should have remembered that I am so not normal in anyway, shape or form. Never have been. I have this HORRIBLE burning pain in my gut that feels like someone has taken a vat of Icy-Hot and smeared it inside my belly and/or I am conducting the grande finale of the 4th of July fireworks in there! It is just on FIRE and I also have the pleasure of a tearing, pulling sensation on top of that. I went for a follow up with my surgeon to explain the goings on in my belly hoping for some words of encouragement but what I got instead was a "gosh, I am sorry - that feeling will last up to 6 weeks and is considered "healing pain". What????? I don't recall the words "healing" AND "pain" going together in the same sentence????? I mean WTF (which is exactly what I said to the the doc)?!?! Am I confused? Did I or didn't I just have surgery to NOT have pain anymore???? Did I or didn't I just pay you $1 trillion dollars to let you play the Operation game on a live body???? Whatever, the point is - this BLOWS and I am pissed!!!!!! I planned on being gone for 1 week from work and I was gone for 2.5 weeks! I SOOOO did not expect that, I really did not plan on being this down - you know? Coming back to work has wiped me out - you just don't realize how the littlest things absolutely drain you. But, I am getting stronger every day and I have to remind myself that I DID have a partial hysterectomy which sometimes requires 6-8 weeks of leave of absence so really I am on the up-swing. Right? Right! So, that is it for the "first installment" of my latest trists. Stay tuned for more from the peanut gallery!! TTFN
